Things She'll Never Know
by moonswirl
Summary: Gleekathon, day one thousand and twenty-two: Rachel is off with Sam and Nell to support them through Summer's funeral.


_Started my daily ficlets to make the hiatus pass, then decided to keep going with a 2nd cycle, and then a 3rd, 4th, etc through 48th cycle. Now cycle 49!_

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**"Things She'll Never Know"  
Sam & Nell, Samchel  
Sam & Nell series  
_(all series now listed under the communities tab in my profile)_  
**

The plane touched down and it was dark outside already. Nell was asleep, and Rachel was the one to carry her out while Sam got their bags. They met his grandparents, who waited to drive them to their house. They had last seen their great-granddaughter over a year ago, same with their grandson, and seeing them reunited, Rachel could see, even if their teenage grandson being saddled with fatherhood was not what they would have wanted for him, it wouldn't change their ability to be there for him.

"Are you okay? Tired?" he asked her as they rode in the Evans' car, reaching to brush hair from her face as she'd rested her head back. She nodded. "I thought you'd slept on the plane…"

"I tried, couldn't… I'm kind of nervous…" she admitted. "It's silly, I mean I'm not the one who has to…" she paused, looking to him. "You know…"

"It's okay, he promised. "I don't expect this to be easy on any of us… I'm just glad you're here," he told her; and she took his hand, quietly supportive. This night was nothing compared to the next day.

"They don't know you're coming, do they?" she asked once they were alone in the guest bedroom – she would sleep there, he'd take the basement couch. He looked down to Nell, asleep in his arms.

"What was I going to do?" he sighed. "Even if I called them, they would say whatever they'd say, but it wouldn't change… She needs to be there."

"What if they don't let you in?"

"Then we'll pay our respects after," he wasn't thrown.

The next morning though, she could feel his anxiety. He had so many questions, big complicated ones, smaller more personal ones, all running through his head like a runaway train on loop, and today he would get his answers, whatever they were.

They took the Evans' car and headed just the three of them to the funeral home. Sam took up Nell, looking into her happy little face. She had no idea what was happening, and at this moment he kind of envied her that. He looked to Rachel, stuck.

"You can do this," she promised. "Do you want me to take her?"

"No, it's okay, I… I've got her," he breathed. She touched his back and he nodded: they were ready to go.

There were a lot of kids from school, both Summer's girls school and Sam's old boys school, from what he saw. There were a few teachers he recognized. And there were some he guessed and some he remembered as being Summer's family. Among them were her parents.

Douglas and Michelle Harrington had never really been too familiar to him. If the number of times he'd actually met them, compared to the number of times she had him wait while she snuck out of the house, was any indication, he had to think either they didn't want her dating, or they didn't want her dating him. He didn't think it'd be the second, he wasn't a bad guy at all, not now and not back then either. Either way, the pregnancy had blindsided them all, but the Harringtons were something else.

He hadn't seen them much from the day he'd found out Summer was pregnant to the day Nell was born. Two incidents stood out though. There was the birth of course, them standing out in the hall while their daughter was in labor on her own. Months before that though, he had wanted to do the right thing and face her parents, promise them he wasn't about to abandon Summer through this.

Summer had tried to keep him from going through, but he had. The moment they'd seen him, Mrs. Harrington had burst into tears, while her husband came charging toward him. Sam still had a scar near his hairline from turning just as the fist had swung at him. He'd tumbled to the ground, stunned, while Summer screamed, shouted for her father to stop. Sam had not been deterred from saying what he'd come to say, though he didn't stick around longer than he had to.

In the months following, he had dealt only with Summer, though of what he knew from what she'd say, his two encounters were very telling of what that time in between was like. But now a year had passed, now Summer was gone, and he was seeing them for the first time since the hallway.

They were hard to read. He had forgotten how much Summer looked like her mother, and seeing her shocked him for a beat. She looked lost, in shock, and like she had cried so much it was a miracle she wasn't crying now. Douglas Harrington, for his part, was so blank of face that Sam had no idea where his head was at; he was going through the motions.

"What do you want to do?" Rachel asked Sam. He hesitated.

"I need to go over there, I just don't know how to st…" He was cut off when Nell batted her arm, pointing at the flowers and babbling incoherently. Sam reached to calm her, but the disruption had been enough to draw some eyes, including those of the grieving parents. Sam froze, looking at them. He didn't know what would happen, though the time and place, and the child in his arms, would hopefully keep fists out of the equation. Nell may have had a lot of him, including his blonde hair, but she had Summer in her, too, starting with those eyes. If seeing Michelle Harrington had done something to him for her resemblance to her daughter, seeing those blue eyes staring back at them from across the room had to hit hard for them, too.

"I should stay back, this is between the four of you," Rachel told Sam. He looked to her. "You can do this, really, it's okay," she told him. "I'll be right here." Sam nodded, resettling Nell in his arms before moving slowly across the room toward the pair who stood and watched him approach. He doubted they would make a scene, but then with their history together it was hard to predict. When they came to stand face to face, he watched them, they looked to Nell, and no one spoke. Someone would have to…

"I'm sorry… sorry for your loss," Sam finally spoke. The two finally looked up toward him. "I know you…"

"What's her name?" Mr. Harrington asked, still blank.

"Nell… Penelope, but we call her Nell." He looked back down to the girl in the boy's arms. "Do you want to…"

"I…" the man shook his head, and seeing how much he really did want to, it was probably the first time Sam wasn't scared by him. So he took a step forward, holding Nell out to him. When she turned those eyes on him, his arms reached out automatically. He was clumsy at first, startled, though this didn't appear to bother Nell, who turned a smile up to her grandfather.

"She's sweet, and she loves people. She's going to be smart, you can tell… and she loves to be in the water," this last part he hesitated on, but he felt they should know, for Summer. For her father, it proved to be a bit more than he could handle.

"I'm sorry, could you…" he moved forward and Sam took Nell back. "I should go around, excuse me," he bowed his head to Sam, touched his wife's shoulder before moving away. Sam watched him go, not to make rounds, apparently, as he ducked out of the room. Mrs. Harrington got up wordlessly, walked off after him. Sam let out a breath, looking back to Nell before looking to Rachel. She came up to him, silently asked how it went. He wasn't sure what to say.

Then he saw the casket. It was closed, but still it was there, and she would be in there… He took steps to get to it, stopped to stand there. Nell tried to reach for it… he wouldn't stop her. "That's your mother in there, the one who gave birth to you. I think… I think if you'd had the chance, she would have loved you," he told his daughter.

Eventually they had been led to the cemetery. The casket was laid in the ground, words were said… Mrs. Harrington was in tears again, while Mr. Harrington remained expressionless. Sam knew now though; he wasn't lacking in emotions, he had too many of them, and maybe letting one out would knock the dam down. The one that would lead the charge just might be regret.

Surprising them all, Sam, Nell, and Rachel, were granted an invitation to come back to the house with friends and family after the service. They didn't know what to do with him, but they weren't keeping him away. When they had arrived, they didn't get in the way. Rachel was shown pictures on the wall, and seeing her now, the girl who had been Sam's old love and Nell's mother, Rachel almost felt like an intruder. But Sam would look to her, still so thankful, and she would calm down.

At one point he frowned, looking up, and she followed his gaze. They watched a girl climb the stairs and duck into a room. "That's Summer's room," Sam whispered to her, moving to the stairs. She followed, looking back to see if anyone was looking. The door was shut, and he opened it, startling the blonde inside.

"Noelle? What are you…" Sam asked, and by the bandage on her cheek Rachel guessed this was another girl from the crash.

"Sorry, I… I had to get something," she crouched and reached under the night stand. When she stood, she held a notebook.

"What is that?" Sam asked. Noelle circled the bed.

"Summer's diary. I don't think she'd want her parents finding it." She paused, held it out to him. "Take it."

"No, I can't…" he shook his head, but the girl insisted.

"Take it. She wrote about you, about her…" she nodded to Nell. "I know, I saw one time and she freaked. You should have it." She said no more, leaving them there in the room, with the diary. Sam looked to Rachel.

"You wanted answers…" she told him.

"I don't think I can…" he shook his head. Rachel took Nell.

"She's right, you should have it." She paused. "You want to be alone? I can…"

"No, stay," he begged, so she did.

It felt wrong, to stand here, with her secrets words in his hands, no matter how much he wanted to know. If she'd hidden them, then that was her choice. But she was gone now. Maybe one day he would have heard these words, only…

He had just flipped it open, and of all the pages he had to find the one with Nell's birthdate at the top, the day she had turned one. He looked to Rachel, hesitating. She nodded with encouragement. So he read.

Rachel watched his face, crumbling the further he read, until he stopped, squeezing his eyes against tears that came bursting. She reached over to hug him, Nell pressed between them. He squeezed right back, and she had a feeling whatever the girl wrote, it made it clear Summer Harrington had wanted to meet her daughter, maybe someday would have, if only…

THE END

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******A/N: This is a one-shot ficlet, which means that signing up for story alert will not bring you any alerts.  
****In the event of a sequel, the story will be separate from this one. And as chapter stories go, they are  
************always clearly indicated as such [ex: "Days 204-210" in the summary] Thank you!**


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